Category Archives: press to continue

freaking out

freaking out, loosing it, falling apart

what are we exploring in the energy work? 

we are getting skillful in paradigm shifting jumping from being in relationship with people, to being the people, direct access. when you get good at this a new upload of safe happens, a new kind of trust, that depth of who you really are. You being life itself manifesting. when i write like this i feel a desire to be more concrete. so what are some of these differences? 

let’s look at what a freak out may look like from the 2 paradigms, our normal 3d ego/self state and 5d egoless/no self state.

ego freakout – you are identified – it feels like you are falling apart, you are helpless, have no control, everything is happening to you and you have no agency. it hurts! often fear.

egoless expression, i don’t even want to call it freak out because you do not feel freaked out on the inside even though you may look like it on the outside. you do not know what is happening, you are comfortable in the unknown or as the unknown – you feel sensations in your body – sound wants to happen or movement – maybe a deep guttural cry – you are being with yourself while yourself is cleansing, no story and no desire for story. for all you know you could be expressing the group or someone in the group or the collective. you perceive just a going deep into sensations that change, an attitude of wonder, glimpses appear, insights might appear, little knowings may be born, yet also maybe no words and no need for explanations. a different kind of trust, like trust in a blossom opening, a being with, not a being alone. no aloneness. maybe pain but the pain is felt as sensation not as fear. 

the jump, – a different beingness, not individual, not about working through all your stuff as an individual, an entirely different paradigm, from 3d ego self to 5d egoless no self.

it is up to us to align, …. it needs you and you need it … a dialogue with existence … openness, humility,

poem for pain

my body feels charged like what i imagine a finger in an electric socket feels like. tears just behind my eyes .

ready,. 

shock, surprise, disappointment, anger, sometimes shooting separately sometimes a soup. 

i am expanding out, reaching past everything known. just here, just this minute, letting the thoughts, ideas, questions, just run on and on without me highlighting any, without me believing.

 let go now, just let go my little one. there is nothing to hold up. there is nothing to control. slip streams all around me begging to be joined. the sirens call compelling, me.

 just here right now, this resonance of being  

no plans to make, no defenses to engage. 

this moment i am ok,

breath. 

succor is everywhere, the birds calling, the beads of water hanging off the green. succor is here little one. I’ve got your back. 

shoulda, woulda, coulda, are singing their endearments. 

succor is here little one. right now succor is in paying attention to all of what I’m not noticing when I’m heeding their mellody.

How to keep focus

the brain does not discriminate between an experience we picture and imagine and an experience that is real. we will play with this tonight. yet as always being present we see what wants to manifest from our energies together. so this is how it works. ready to go forward with an intention but not holding it tight, holding it lightly within the context we are in. so always open to changing data yet holding direction. this is how you do not drift around like a leaf in the wind.

How has doing this work changed you?

i am not triggered so much and when i am i know what to do

i know how to be in a feeling/sensation without feeding the story around it.

lots of joy – greater capacity for joy

a recognition of being home and content as a background field

i can go past my conditioning

i can let myself know where someone else is at without loosing myself

i can relate to the emptiness in anyone

i know i am not separate.

i viscerally know we are connected

i acknowledge the field

i know what is needed in any given situation

i have a greater capacity for love

i can tune in

i have skills that i never dreamed were possible

i can tune into so many dimensions

the invisible is accessible to me

i understand ken wilber’s wake up, grow up, clean up and show up stages

i am connected to my body and at the same time not limited to my body

there is more space and less overwhelm

What are we doing?

In case you are wondering what we are doing?

we really see everything from where we developmentally are! as well as our cultural, biological, multi generational conditioning : thus determing our entire perspective, our feelings, how we make meaning out of an incident, our actions and our decisions. this is why we work on development as well as waking up. Both are necessary! 

in the energy work we constantly touch into, wake up and develop both of these. It is not just about keeping your psychology painless and regulated. the more we develop the more choices we have and the more energy frequency we can handle. our connection to the field and support becomes a given. things that used to be hard work become effortless. we find ourselves saying “i remember when that was difficult or when i could not even do that, and now i don’t even think about it”. 

Death And Giving

beautiful meeting,
and i keep noticing when we give, i thought we were going to help deepal in death, we get so very much more. we learned a new way to die! really in all my years i have not seen such a clear, clean joyful way to portal into a new dimension. reset. here then connecting there. love and concern for those here without any responsibility for them. far far far out. what a teaching that we all got in our cells, our beings, touching into the possibility of it and even to be it NOW.

Reflections on the codependence/addiction course

What i like the best about this work is the no right or wrong of it. The reminder, caution of attributing meaning, falling ino holes, getting overly dependent or independent. A surfing, a remembering to resource oneself and each other.
but the biggest thing it has helped me with, is how to not wreck good things, good people, good jobs, not wreck wholesomeness. and to value detail and love simple, to notice the non toothache.
Also it gives me a language, a naming, ah drama is happening, manipulation is happening, denial is happening, a noticing short hand that aids being centered and available, rather than reactive and lost, a valuing of that for itself.

I remember pia saying, she wanted her life to be more exciting and now she’s just hanging on by her fingernails with the never ending discoveries of recovery. Ask for what you want, notice what you get, celebrate the no’s.