how can we get along with each other without agreeing!? this is what we are all facing with vac and anti vac. with the coming out of the closet with abuse…. it reminds me of when a family deals with incest. how could that be the father i loved and was so kind to me if he incested you?. thus he did not incest you or ….. As humans we hate to hold ambiguity. we like black or white. yet the ambiguity is everywhere. yes my experience was real and yes this was happening also. and now we are looking deeper – what was i thinking and feeling when all this was going on? what did i notice and deny? what did I not see? How can i be supportive and honest outside and inside?
for me these conversations over the years have been very important. when things were going on that i morally did not agree with in both poona 1 and the ranch – where was my line? don’t we all have to face this? owning my non courageous self. Facing my pack animal self.
there is so much learning – the voices are important – when my friend told me: her first time as a medium – she was told not to wear underwear and when the lights went out and osho was up her robe …. she thought she was uptight, she felt guilty for not being free etc. it is time to have a voice and look at the self doubt , the double think, what we do to belong in any group….. jesse
Who are the leaders? People like bruce who try to engage and flush out the differences and have us face them? Or the ones who hold a blind eye and pretend it is all gonna work out somehow?
I think I’m often one of the pretenders. Even in my work – to bring out what is going on? Or let it ride? Or fix it without even bringing it up? There is such an animal thing about disrupting the status quo. Challenging the group. Being thrown out of the tribe. It is built into our biology. We are pack animals.
Some of the new ways of communicating challenges this like Circling and the move to be transparent – codependence is it ’s opposite. Holding the image together no matter what.
I imagine I go along with what is being said so quick that I don’t even notice it, but sometimes I feel that jolt in my belly when I disagree. This is the opportunity and I do not like it. I even feel it on a zoom call, do I say something or just be quiet. In circling one would say what is going on in ones own body. I feel uncomfortable with that, or I notice that I’m hesitating to share my opinion in case you don’t like me. The more I write the more I see how common this is and how many times a day this comes up in little ways. When do we say our truth and when just to be quiet? Yes this may feel like belonging yet it really blocks intimacy and transparency. If I keep doing it no one will know what I think or feel. I won’t challenge my own beliefs nonetheless theirs. Then again I now see when I say nothing for too long then I flare up and attack with emotion that both scares me and the other. It is definitely not fair to them for it must seem like it comes out of nowhere, jolting them from behind.
Sometimes this has nothing to do with the current person or conversation like around class or ethnicity, I let the dominant white middle class reality ride and ride then I make a sharp judgemental comment. Rather than use skill, transparency, go inside report outside ….let vulnerability happen, share the subtext, the layer deeper, richer which actually goes somewhere, touches, connects.
Ive been doing this in my groups say the first expression in a few sentences, then take a moment, go deeper and say why you shared that/ what touched you. Then we all take a moment before we respond. I notice part 2 of everyone often saves them a not helpful response from us. Our responses to part 2 are so much more nourishing to the person and interesting to the group. Creative even.
So do I take a moment, find courage, go beyond my pack instincts, dig deeper then respond? We will see!!!